I try to say goodbye…

I tried to be bubbly and happy this week- tried to suppress all my upset and depression and keep it to a minimum, and tonight? I don’t know. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I’ve sat here for god knows how long, pretty much in tears…

All the little signs were there, too- the not sleeping, the hyperness, the lack of appetite…I just figured, that maybe it was a -good- thing, and not..this.

It’s just…I -hate- this feeling. This helplessness. Part of me doesn’t want to go on Sunday. Part of me wants to go somewhere else entirely, to hide and just…get away. And I know that when I start to feel this way, I tend to get very…antisocial. So when I go on Sunday, I am going to try and be my normal bubbly self. But when I get back, I may need to take a day or two, on my own. I need to get out of my head. Maybe though, while I am with my family, everything will clear. Maybe I wont need an extra day or two. But I can’t predict that.

Please know two things:
- It’s all me. Don’t blame you for what I feel! I let it be suppressed for too long, and that was -my- mistake. I shouldn’t have. And now I’m paying the price for it.
- I love you. Irrevocably.

See you (hopefully) on the flip side.

x